Chances are you’re reading this as you have the task of organising a funeral for a loved one, or possibly for someone you’re not very keen on. Even if it’s the latter, you’ll be going through emotions that you can’t put into words. I’m so sorry for your loss. When you’re navigating your way through all-consuming grief, planning a funeral ceremony can seem impossible.
A Funeral Director will help you to understand the procedures that lay ahead when organising a funeral, but what about the Ceremony? Where do you start with working out what’s to be said and when? Whether it’s a burial or a Cremation, an Independent Celebrant will help you through this daunting task.
Your Funeral Director will contact and appoint a Celebrant on your behalf, usually one that they have used before. If you know of a Celebrant but your Funeral Director doesn’t have them on their books, you can request for them. The Celebrant and Funeral Director will liaise with each other.
Once you have your Celebrant confirmed, they will contact you to arrange a meeting. This gives you a chance to talk about the deceased – share their story, memories, photos and discuss music and poems.
This meeting can be daunting – often, when the front door is opened with me standing on a doorstep (my slippers in my bag), tears begin to flow. That’s fine. Let them flow. We’ll take our time.
The meeting can be face-to-face or via an online platform. I wrote and delivered a ceremony for a family I’d only met via Zoom. I found that by the time the ceremony came, with all the emails, WhatsApp’s and phone calls we’d exchanged, that I felt as much a connection to them as I had done when meeting a family face-to-face.
It can help to have an idea of how a ceremony might flow. It might look something like this:
- Music to gather while family and friends take their seats.
- Entry music for the deceased.
- Welcome and words of recognition delivered by the Celebrant.
- Stories of the deceased’s early life.
- A poem or a speech.
- Stories of the deceased’s adult life.
- Music for Reflection with or without an accompanying photo tribute.
- Drawing the ceremony to a close and a chance to thank those that helped in the care of the deceased.
- A poem or prayer.
- The Committal offering words of comfort to say a final farewell.
- Exit music as a final song and a time to say goodbye.
All of these parts can be delivered by the Celebrant. But if you would like to lead all or some of the ceremony, have friends or family members read speeches and poems, then that’s fine too. Your Celebrant will still write it and be on hand should the person reading changes their mind.
After your discussions, the Celebrant will put together an outline of the ceremony for you to review. Once approved this will be sent to the Funeral Directors who will use this to create an Order of Service, if you are having one.
The Celebrant will ensure the words, poems and music fit into the Crematorium’s given time slot (apologies, for being the time police at a time like this). Speeches could be made at a gathering after the ceremony. Some may find this easier than speaking at the Crematorium.
Once you’ve chosen your songs, your Celebrant will upload the music to be available on the day. If you’re struggling with poems or readings, your Celebrant will help you to find appropriate words.
Once a script is written, your Celebrant will send it to you to review and give you an opportunity to make amendments. With most Celebrants (me very much included) there is no final script. Amendments can be made right up to the day of the ceremony…
…This is your ceremony.
If you would like further information, please get in touch.
Sending love, Louise